Today’s Hatreds. (4/29/2017)

Pet peeves I want to drown in the creek:
1) Gun rights advocates who hold dear their right to bear arms while completely ignoring the right of innocent people not to get shot by
2) Jerry Jones. How many wife beaters did he draft this year?
3) The O.J. verdict. Over 20 years ago? So what?
4) Animal abusers. Sadistic cowards. Put them in prison. Make them all share a cell with a hungry lion.
5) Tiny houses. They make me want to scream. I’m screaming now. My neighbors are calling the police. You want a small space? Live out of your car.
6) The Universe: too big, too empty, way too many stars. What’s with the Laws of Nature? You gotta know some pretty hard math to understand them. Who has the time? Or the space?

What To Know Before Signing Up For A Universe.

In my universe, when you are born, you get a number. The number is not sequential. Your number is put in a time slot. When The Clock reaches your slot, your number is up. Poof.

The Clock runs on EST, not that it matters. If you meditate religiously and reach nirvana, you’ll find out your number. Not that it matters – much.

At times this system bobbles and a baby is born who doesn’t get a number – so this person’s number never comes up. This very rarely happens. Of all the events that almost never happen, this is the one of the rarest.

But we can’t conceive of all possible events that almost never happen. Then we are left with the impossible events that never happen. Maybe they are not impossible but merely events that almost never happen. How would we know?

The person born without a number could find out by paying attention, and keeping careful records..

Old Rubber Snake #1

Today I received an email from an old friend of mine – M. Lackey Wubberfark.

Wake up,  Mark!

I’ve been in a real slump lately.  You know how good I am filling my pill pack every week. I take 20 pills a day. Eleven in the morning, three at noon, and four at night, Does that add up to twenty?  My pill pack is, then, is 7 little cups times 3 little cups. I put the pills in the right cup and I’m good.  I can shake out exactly seven of each pill, exactly the same number I need to fill a row.  

If  I’m feeling brave, I’ll shake out 14 pills at a time and cover two weeks! Two weeks ago I did a complete three week, twenty-one day Sowcow! Last week I did a Sowcow but with 4 1/2 rotations with slight bobble at the end that only cost me a half a point.

Today, though, I couldn’t pull out seven at a time. I had to put in all 140, one pill at a time. Very discouraging, but I will never quit! I’ll compete in Professional Pill Packing until I give myself the last overdose.

Did you melt down your car last weekend?

My blood pressure meds are kicking in and I’m ready to drop over.

Your Good Buddy, Lack”

Some times a little thing can be a big thing and a little thing can be a little thing. Whoa, that’s not right… A big thing can be a horse.  Okay?

Until Next Time,


Magic Fruit

A single brave blueberry jumped happily out of my cereal bowl onto the dining room carpet. This is not a serious carpet in an Old World sort of way, but it has tough, wiry fabric: don’t want to mess around with it.

Where is the fallen fruit? I examined that rug with an electron microscope — nothing. I rolled on the floor then took off my shirt and looked for a dead blueberry. Forget it. Finally, I tried aerial viewing by swinging upside down on the dining room chandelier. I quit.

A fourth dimension exists. And when you enter it, you’ll find billions of massive piles of assorted items. These are all things lost by human beings over the last 100,000 years: keys, hypodermic needles, sunglasses, wallets, many billions of dollars, babies, purses, playthings, fruit, and more.

You look around and say to yourself: “So this is the astral plane.” You approach a peddler.

” Sir, I am looking for a Cro-Magnon arrowhead. Do you have any?”

“Yes! We have them! Many, many, good sir!”

Then you ask: “I also seek a single blueberry — ”

“No, no, we don’t carry such things. Sorry.” You walk away.

Then he calls out: “Check at one of the higher dimensions!”

We’ll Spam Them To Death! Next Step Of The Resistance

The Electoral College let us down so we are left to our own devices. These devices are our computers with internet connections and cell phones.

The mighty numbers of The Disaffected can be organized as a network of cyber-attackers, emailing millions of empty messages to different government offices everyday, crashing their servers. Flooding their phone lines with nonsense calls. Every hour of every day.

Focus on offices involved with building the stupid wall, deporting illegals and registering Muslims. In the same spirit, do the same to Trump’s private properties, especially the hotels. Impede their ability to take reservations. No reservations, no money.

Perhaps computer experts know of more sophisticated techniques where millions of connected computers and cell phones can wreak havoc. Organize “cyber” mass demonstrations. No need to take buses to Washington, DC and camp on the Mall. Just send an email or two a day and make a couple of phone calls,