From Mr. Mark’s Greatest Wretchings

My former Match.com profile.  Retired Oct 29, 2008.

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People have deemed me a saucy creature, a wit of no common degree, a pantaloon, a brigand, a piece of eight. When sat upon, I will spout knowledge mixed with balderdash. I smoke not, neither do I drink. Occasionally I receive benevolent messages from outer space — out-of-date stock tips, mostly — a fixed speed of light wrecks havoc with instantaneous communication.

Have you heard of SETI? It’s a research project for radio astronomers trying to find patterns in space doodle picked up by radio telescopes. A pattern may mean sentient life in space. On the other hand, some of the garbage could be extra-terresstial dirty jokes. Humor so vile that alien broadcasters must hide it within cosmic drivel. Unhappily we must know what these space creatures look like as well as their mating habits if we are ever to learn what is funny about the jokes.

Does a week go by without me seeing a movie at the cine-haus or the GooglePlex? No. Want to shut me up? Put me in front of a book.

Restaurants have that smell, taste, sight and sound thing going with them, so take me out to eat! I see a lot of plays and I like to people watch. Every morning I enjoy a nice hot bath with soap and coffee.

Women with whom I enjoy mutual trust tend to possess a massive dose of whimsey. They also gather in the whole world from juicy dawn to the final smoke of one AM. All things being equal, I would prefer a woman with access to ground transportation.

I refuse to enter the soap bar versus bubble bath debate. Whichever your preference for that particular day. Please avoid anything cocoanut, if possible, if you can swing it. It’s not all that important.

I’d like to buy you a soft drink or coffee, perhaps wth any non-coconut pie or cake slice. We have several fine establishments in the Greater Dallas/Ft. Worth area.

I am an Actor, Writer, Teacher, Bon Vivant and Raconteur. I make a living as a Software Engineer. I live in an apartment, drive a small car and have no plans to climb Mt. Everest.

Do you play a musical instrument that weighs less than 35 pounds? Are you a mezzo-soprano? Mezzo anything? How many tricky ballet moves can you execute without twisting or breaking a bone? Have you memorized any Shakespeare? His sonnets are first rate! You are free to memorize any speech from the plays whether spoken by male, female, beast, deity, angel or potted plant. We can gather together a crowd at a fine Ft. Worth park, and present a free performing chaos concert with me as bon vivant, emcee, impessario and YOU as the talent. Accompany yourself in SWAN LAKE: cello would be nice. Stand on your cellist’s chair and bring an 8×10 glossy with you, please.

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