Freelance Dollars

Preparation: Have plenty of breakfast.  Shoo everyone out the door.  If you are alone, throw a pillow out the door.  Set your music and temperature.  Lock pets in your closet.  You need absolute silence to prevent novel notions to escape the room.

Flip on your computer.  Listen to the grunch of the rolling hard drive, the jingles lasting the length of a thumb.

If you believe you will need a pencil, pick one off the  floor and sharpen it.  Grab a tablet of yellow legal paper while you are at it.

If you foretell a pen in your future, steal one off a friend’s desk or shirt pocket.  Expose the point.

Paper, computer, writing tools and your teeny, tiny brain… you are ready to write!

Write about what?  Oh, just look around you: hummingbirds and chicken hawks, roses and condoms, diamonds and broken teeth.  So much to touch, smell, feel, stick up your butt.  Bring a vast appetite to life — a spoon the size a drained out lake with the dead fish on the lake floor and the dead children drowned in the lake by their parents over the years.  Terrible!  The horror haunts me and makes my cock stand on end.

Sit down, Writer!  Scribe!  I ain’t done you yet.  Grab that bowl, no, the clean one.  I’m gonna pour it full of whiskey make you dead of cancer in an hour.  Chug a Jug, Slug.  Now you’re ready.  Just remember what I just told you and you’ll be ten steps of everybody else.


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