THE DOCTRINE OF RICK SANTORUM

Enough of this so-called “religious freedom” nonsense. Do you want Americans to go to Hell? If you do not believe in bible-beating doctrine you’re down the chute. Catholics, of course, will take the midnight train to Perdition anyway. We’ll have cameras rolling when the Pope falls into the everlasting bonfire!.

Jews don’t stand a chance. They will relinquish their wealth to Christians then be driven from their homes. This is best for both groups. Since we don’t want the 12 tribes to starve and freeze to death, I will sign an Executive Order to transport Jews to reapportionment centers scattered around the country. All clothing and food are furnished.

My administration will assure a pure nation of Christians (some may profess the faith insincerely to save their petty, worthless lives). Accordingly, professed followers of Christ will be tossed one at a time into a body of water. If he floats in the water then the person is a Christian. If he sinks, he’s an infidel. He’ll drown and go to hell: chop, chop. Pray that he never touched your precious children.

VOTE for me, Rick Santorum. Our nation and YOUR ETERNAL SOULS depend on it.

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