December 21, 2012 — NO LATE FEE

END OF WORLD POSTPONED!!! Spokesentity for the Council of the Invisible Powers released the following statement: “The date for the total annihilation of Earth, originally set for 12/21/2012, has moved to the right. We found a ninth righteous person among the seven billion of you, which saved your sorry ass this time. She is a homeless teenage girl who travels the United States, performing mostly medical miracles and getting innocent people released from prison. You all should breathe a huge sigh of relief because we were just about ready to light the match.” A new date for the Very End will be announced at some future time.

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