Cruz To Overhaul White House

While campaigning in Houston yesterday, Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz wondered how long it will take to remove eight years of “accumulated dirt” from the White House. If elected, Cruz stated he will order carpets, wallpaper and furniture in the family living quarters replaced, as well as demanding bathrooms and bedrooms be gutted and rebuilt, before moving his family into the Executive Mansion. Obviously, all dining service, plates, glasses, and silverware will be destroyed.

“For eight years, the Obamas handled every surface in their living space, while dropping minute particles of human discharge along the way. And don’t forget the two daughters began menstruating while their father was in office,” Senator Cruz said.

Of particular concern are dangerous germs attached to tiny bits of fecal matter that will remain trapped in the ventilation system for months after the current family leaves.

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