My Horrible Mistake

What am about to reveal is the type of secret most people take to their grave. But my guilt is so overwhelming I must disclose it immediately on this forum.

Earlier today, Carol and I were browsing through a local antique mall. As I was walking down an aisle, my eye caught a glimpse of an old LIFE magazine on display. As I got closer, I thought the picture on the cover was of DONALD TRUMP. Impossible, I said to myself. LIFE magazine shut down years ago, but my poor brain was relentless. DONALD TRUMP! It’s a picture of DONALD TRUMP! TRUMP!

When I finally stood over the magazine did I realize my error; it was a picture of the great British actor Peter O’Toole. His film, Lawrence of Arabia (1962), was the subject of the cover story that week.

What cruel, foul, twisted pile of neurons in my brain could mistake one of the more sublime artists of the 20th century with… must I say his name? Yes, I am aging, my eyesight slowly fades as my brain cells disintegrate and pass through my urine. In this case, however:

NO EXCUSES ARE ACCEPTABLE!

For this unforgivable error, I hereby apologize to every single member of the human race, living or dead, future, present and past as far back as 10,000 BC when agriculture was invented. Humanity has behaved despicably throughout the centuries, but mistaking Peter O’Toole for (****), INTENTIONALLY OR NOT, is a grotesque rendering of human depravity.

I expect a flurry of unfriending. I understand. If I could, I would unfriend myself,

With bitter regret…

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