In January 2017, when a Democratic president is sworn in, and a Democratic congress is convened, who better to nominate to the Supreme Court than the greatest progressive political figure of all time: Leon Trotsky, the late Russian revolutionary.
Stalin kicked Trotsky out of Russia because he was TOO LIBERAL. Then, in 1940 , Soviet agents assassinated him in Mexico. Our first problem, and this is a biggie. we must resurrect Leon Trotsky. This is complicated by the fact that he was cremated.
After he is made whole once again, it’s pretty smooth sailing. We have to sneak him into the United States. Since he will be one of three people ever resurrected from the dead, the other two being Lazarus and Jesus, I foresee Trotsky gaining INSTANT citizenship. How could the US government deny this to a man so unique? The man’s been dead for eighty years. He can clear up many questions regarding life after death. Being one of the founders of the Communist party, Trotksy was a stone atheist. If nothing else, he will have many fascinating stories about the people he met in Hell.
I don’t know if Trotsky would ever actually serve on the Court, but his nomination, his re-appearance on Earth the re-shuffling of his mortal coil, will cause monumental dislocation of our social, political, economic, and moral order. Think of the commercial possibilities: Trotsky dolls, lunch boxes. t-shirts, belt buckles, lingerie.
Obviously Scalia was murdered. The culprit was a Mexican prostitute who occasionally assassinates important world leaders. After all, she is a single mother who can’t make ends meet with just one job.
Scalia’s friend procured the hooker for the judge’s enjoyment. When she took one look at his disgusting body, she dispatched him before performing any service. With a shot of Amazing Amazon Jungle Juice stuck in his ass, Judge Scalia was swept off this planet on a lovely pinkish-green cloud.
Who paid for the hit? Hillary? Obama? El Champo? Doesn’t matter. I know who was behind the whole thing.
People wonder about who really rules the world. Who makes nations rise and fall. Who makes some people rich and others poor schnooks. I figured this out years ago. He’s been staring us in the face for all this time. That pristine white shirt, the androgynous ear ring, the slick bald head and especially that wondrous pine scent that makes the world smell so shiny and new. Until filthy, rotten people mess it up!
One day, Mr Clean scrubbed down a unusually stinky bathroom. He was tired and dirty. A crow dropped a fat turd on his bald head.. That night he happened to read Scalia’s opinion on DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA vs HELLER and exclaimed “I never read such bullshit in my life” and he sent out the word:
“Bring me the head of Antonin Scalia. A photograph is acceptable”
A Mexican prostitute named Xetacqux “got the button”. She did it all. She shot the Judge up with the spit of the Sammy the Bull Shark for $1,000,000.
God, I wasn’t supposed to tell any of this to anybody!