Is This Me?

If you saw me on the street you would probably tell me to move to the sidewalk.  It’s safer. Maybe I remind you of your uncle who was shot and killed as a warning.  Warning of what, I have no idea.  How should I know?  Heh, I mind my own business.

When I retired as software engineer, I was working on the most secret government program of all time.  This project is so secret, I wasn’t even allowed to know my own name.  Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?  I had to create this whole new history of myself from age four to the present.  My first action was to kill off my father.  I’m not spending a second of my made-up life with that son-of-a-bitch around.

Today I worked on my play.  I acted in many plays and movies over that last 40 years, but now I can’t remember lines, my knees are shot, my mind is a huge sweaty armpit of despair.  Acting now is out of the question.   So I’m writing plays.  My goal is to twist as many minds as I can.  Especially the children.  The children.  I want to teach the masses that when faced with insurmountable problem, give up.  Walk away. Play dead, if you have to.  Let someone else take care of it.

That tippity-top secret program I was working on: a time machine.  Oops, I just committed treason. It works well on mice and monkeys.  We sent a monkey back to Palestine in the year 30 AD to witness the Crucifixion.  People back then had never seen a monkey before, especially one wearing a space suit.

Some Roman guy asked the Monkey where and when was he from.  Monkey replied “Akron, Chuckles.  Jobs 17th, 2299”

The Roman guy said, “People drop in here about every day.  From different places and times.”  He leaned toward Monkey and whispered: “See on top of the hill?  That schmuck in the middle thinks he’s King of the Jews.”

 

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