1) Marriage is great. Who needs those ugly testicles anyway?
2) Marriage is like being paralyzed. You know what’s happening to you but you can’t do anything about it.
3) My wife uses sex as a weapon to get what she wants. Her new car cost her three blow jobs.
4) My wife believes marriage is two people becoming one. That’s why she ate me alive.
5) She thinks that sex is best served cold.
6) My friend asked his wife for sex. She tossed him a dish rag.
7) If your sex robot tells you she has a headache, bang its head with a hammer.
8) Why did the man murder his wife? He already killed her mother.
9) Why can’t you get divorced before you get married. It would save a lot of time.
10) Advice for the groom: Nobody ever tells you this, but believe me… You and your wife… SEX! EVERY! SINGLE! NIGHT! There are 6 billion people on earth. Where do you think they all came from? Every night you rack, you toil and slave. You sing work songs. Sea chanties. Keep it moving. Never stop. You break a hip, push harder. Stroke? Heart attack? Boo hoo! If you die in the saddle, finish up before you check out. Leave your key at the desk. A big black car will be waiting to carry that last shred of you Home.