Maybe some of you know I’ve been having problems with my heart: Shortness of breath, fatigue and so forth. I saw my cardiologist yesterday. I thought he was going to recommend open heart surgery because the stents he put in before had somehow moved or got clogged with red blood cells or something equally yucky.
Do you know what happens during open heart surgery? The surgeons cut the heart out of your body, hook you up to a heart-lung machine, then play volleyball with your heart. I’m not kidding. I had a triple coronary bypass in 2002. When they rolled me into the operating room, I noticed they had a volleyball net set up. I asked them about it, but instead answering me, they put a mask over my face and knocked me out.
I certainly do not want to go through that again: people playing with my heart for sport! Well, I won’t have to! Isn’t that great news? The doctor said I probably have anemia. Anemia! The doctors have me on so many blood thinners that blood is leaking into my stools. And what fate do stools have in common?? They are eventually expelled from my body, carrying with them my precious blood.. Oops!
The cardiologist then sent me upstairs to the Vampire Room where they drew enough blood so they can count my little red corpuscles. The doctor will call me Monday with the definitive result. Ha! Ha! The surgeons will have to play with somebody else’s heart! I am so relieved!